WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSE

When one door closes

If it was not in this way; it would have been otherwise. Leaving my formal company was overdue. It must have been heard earlier that I’m on the verge of leaving. And quick replacement would best sort things out. In spite of this I’d work diligently to the uttermost surprise of all – making it difficult to be pushed aside. Not that I could not, but, that, nothing can be attributed to it. But while such opportunity presented itself, it was grabbed with all sincerity. To think of it, the unceremonious exit resulting from the dramatic inversion of the story I once consider a less- big deal made everything more confusing.
It looked like someone played out an agenda in an unsuspected way. Though I can not possibly ascertain that! Maybe I am being presupposition. I shouldn’t debunk the fact that what I got was fair judgement. Do I then, assume that the sudden precaution which everyone turned into is a mere invention, or does, suggest that everyone should be on the look out? Either of it! It is believed, afterward, that everything is a mere prepossession. Or, perhaps, a one man ingenuity.
Was then the shock of Chike’s exit? Perhaps! But I’d offered more explanation against that bar ground after I had presented myself to this cause by telling the Auditor of this relativity.
My own notion is that the answer may, perhaps, be found in the prolific event which would express itself in not far-distance in because I am not aware that two difference situation or case can be treated in the same manner. I do not need to offer anymore explanation. I assert that if I need to be believed, the first is a good way to bringing me to a more suitable end – which is sufficed. And if another is needed, it would drive all of us miles, away to yet unchangeable truth. I was wild, I was impetuous then, and I had no idea of danger whatsoever. The situation had gone so awry for me to returning to the beginning where I can make amend. So coming out of shell was a way out.
I suppose, now, that the tale is over, I would be here, the same Youngman, now making out for what lies ahead while some would, having nothing better to say but to gossip the possibility of that presupposition. But to other, it would be a wakeup call for more precaution before any action is taken. If a single decision of mine to protect someone could land me in the unwanted, such too might never turned out better.
This not to say that there was not anxiety in the prevailing air. Of course, there was. More of it perverted it since the year begins, while everyone work under illusion. The sense that the future looks bleak leaves everyone in the shadow of oneself. And for what it looks like then, I should have been more conscious. I should have weighed the consequence of my action. I should have, possibly, understand that whatever I do in that arena to help my client without the consent or the knowledge of the company would never be taken as such. I should have known all of this! I should have, for heaven sake! I should have. Why did I allow this screwed up everything?
This is not a feeling I could put into words at that time. And it is not true too that I never expressed any fear whatsoever. Of course I did. I only had one unexpressed. The knowledge, within me that where I had looked up for possible way is never going happen having not realised the possibility of market going southward. But the unstable nature of Nigeria’s state economy did.
The present administration seems none existence. Nothing is happening. Everybody does things in there own way not mind if it affects another person. Several barbaric policies is being made on irregular bases by a way to regularise the existing ones which are not reflecting the operational view of the way things are done in the larger community. In doing this, time had shown – seeing the regulatory bodies always on the loggerhead.
Does this suggest they don’t understand each other’s view, or that the principle of regulatory system is one way traffic? Or, possibly, one does not want to play second fibble? For what this is, it always screwed up people’s confidence. And to think of it, it appears in all sense of reasoning that, doing this suggest they understand very well how people accept thing easily even when it kills. Overtime, we had learnt to create an atmosphere for debate by a way of diversion of real attention. It happens everywhere – not in the larger communicate alone, but most profound here.
This sense of ingenuity to please oneself is in everyone. To some, it’s more profound. And to other, though, it is too – but they had learnt to use it for the benefit of another of other. If I may ask, which class among the two do I belong? To be honest, I would say the later. Reason is that whatever I do, I always consider other even at my detriment. I think I should begin to think of myself too. Maybe, if I had done that from the onset, the story would probably not be written.
For now I could not nag at myself anymore. I had done that a lot of time. Blaming myself will not return me to doing otherwise. It was a risk which took then, and it landed me in the unwanted. It could possibly have been otherwise. But isn’t! That doesn’t mean I should not be pardoned if I show remorse. Most people just live life. They were always afraid to do something difference. They can’t just take risk. Whatever comes, they take it.
My life roves around the fact that I own it up to something. Something so gigantic and illustrative which I keep looking for, or keep coming to me like race of sun-flash; something I can possibly see or feel, and could not touch. But I see it whenever I wanted to look down or depress. It looks like one gigantic mirror or window to me that I need to look at, to understanding my usefulness. To think of it this way, I am not ashamed anymore. There was no reason to be ashamed, since, other people, whatever they felt, were equally insecurity. As for me, there may never have been any better judgement on my part. But the people I work for can do whatever they like to achieve there inherent desire at the detriment of their subject, it can not kill the spirit of a man who intelligently bend on the way of success.
The passion for freedom and the reason to getting going were all the reason I tell this story to the management before I was crucified. I must understand that in spite of everything, I should never seize to tap on the new spirit that is hope… hope beacon on us all and so do I…

FELIX O SYLVANUS
Felzzygreen..
July, 08